vegan_volition (vegan_volition) wrote in geekgirlchic,

For ST:TNG Geeks

a little while back i wrote my own Star Trek, the Next Generation plot for the next movie.
Since it's geek-related, I thought I'd share it here.

(I used a plot maker at

It's hilarious and i promise it is an entertaining read and you'll laugh your ass off.
please also note warning: it's raunchy.


Star Trek:The Erection

Written By: Elle

The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see The obliteration of planet Earth. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are having an orgy with eachother. During this scene, Picard complains about never getting any.

There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must go to a planet where the species dispises the act of copulation and public displays of affection. Oh and, yeah, there's some kind of rucus there they should stop. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data reminisces in losing his "virginity" with Yar, has made the decision he wants to find love! and tries to pick up random women with the pickup line "i've been programmed with a vast array of pleasuring techniques, baby".

This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving the holodeck where data is practicing his "techniques" on holodeck babes. the noise is so loud that it wakes everyone up on the ship (k, not everyone, just the main crew)! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finally finds out that The sex depreived race actually wants to steal Data to download his pleasuring techniques and start a sexual revolution / revolt., and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Tasha Yar (somehow, even though she is dead), though this person doesn't really help anything.

Then, Dr. Bates, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Dr. Bates is not REALLY that bad, because this villian has issues of sexual repression taught to him by his culture, and he is only trying to break these chains of repressions. but because it is so immeresed into his culture, he didn't know how else to go about doing it..

The crew then learns that Love is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!

While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.' The audience groans.

A little later, Worf can't get it up. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, is horny and ends up flirting with everyone and giving them naughty looks.

A little later, Worf will make up for his embarassment of not being able to get it up by randomly telling annecdotes exemplifying his (past) sexual prowess.. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the water fall / pool of water. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the captain flirts with anything having breasts and legs. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Fuck, yeah!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

Finally, the crew discovers that Dr. Bates has a genital mutilation device! This makes the situation very dangerous!

In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Oooohhh, YES!' ...even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Dr. Bates, the universe will ripple as if the energy were released from the greatest orgasm in the history of the universe was acheived... (that's how much pent up sexual frustration Dr. Bates has. This should be an important lesson for the viewers!). This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Dr. Bates.

Soon, Riker shoots at someone that Troi flirted with earlier in the film. But this doesn't help anything.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called Clitora Nebula. Almost defeated, Dr. Bates, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his genital mutilation device! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Dr. Bates by masterbating and cuming on him. The cum is like acid to his species' skin and he dissolves and melts away, like the wicked which of the west.. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Lust Memories of Beverly in her youth saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with never getting any. Picard then gives a speech about Sexual Liberation and Cumming of Age.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.

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